Gratitude

It has been an incredible week. After Kinnie climbed out of her crib 6 nights ago, she is sleeping soundly in her "big-girl" bed- an actual full size! She has been a complete joy. We play and play. We laugh. She loves to cuddle and give kisses. She sings as loud as she can. She runs and runs- an active girl, to be sure. When we go to the park, she is just as happy to play among the trees as she is to play on the playground. This week, we fed ducks and squirrels. She gives our Koda puppy big hugs, and plays ball with Charlie Boy. She offers comfort, kisses our "owies."

I have been able to remain present this week. To put aside what doesn't matter for the things that really do.

I feel such immense gratitude- for my baby, my family, my friends.

I went to my orthopedist on Tuesday, to learn the results of a recent MRI of my hip. Since I was younger than Kinnie, I have had problems with it, and expected that the news would not be good.

When I pulled into the parking garage at the hospital, I felt my family holding me. I thought of all that my parents had been through with me- the surgeries, the recovery, the pain, the fear. And I knew that though I am now 31 years old, they would do it all again for me, right now. I knew that they would take the pain, if they could. That is a powerful feeling. I just knew my Dad was thinking about me, hoping that the news wouldn't be too bad. And my Mom met me there, to hold my hand. And I thought about how it must have felt, to watch their baby go through what I did. I think it was probably harder for them than for me.

Even though we faced all of it, turns out, I need a new hip. The cartilage in my current hip is beat to hell. I knew this was coming, and in some ways, it is a relief that the wait is over. And, in some ways, I am terrified.

I walked through the grocery store today, an activity that often inflames my pain, when tears came to my eyes as I realized that soon, I will be able to do this without hurting. Pain is a fascinating thing, when it is ever-present. All one can do is try to live with it, to not let it interfere. Some days, it is easier than others. The hope of doing these day-to-day activities without it is pretty incredible, and overwhelming.

I am grateful for all the lessons I learn, everyday, about how to better live this life. I am grateful for the things that take my breath away, and make me slow down and notice this moment. I am grateful for the pains, so that I remember what is truly important, and that I should focus on that. I am grateful that I have family and friends, who love and support me. I am grateful for that adorable baby, curled up in her big-girl bed, and all the meaning she has brought to my life.