Lessons

My house is a disaster. It hasn't been this bad in I don't know how long. Everywhere I look, there are toys, and papers, and dog hair, and who knows what else. But it's okay.

Brian had surgery to remove his infected appendix late last Thursday night. He is home, and doing well. And, his activity is limited. I am trying to care for him, the baby, the puppies... The house has fallen to the bottom of the list.

This experience has made me realize something. In all of this uninterrupted time with my family, I have been able to clearly see what is important. Yes, I like my house to be clean. But bouncing with Kinnie on the couch, squealing and giggling- that's important, and it's what I love. Even if the floor below is covered by all the toys she has dumped out of the bin. It seems as though I have a never-ending to-do list of unimportant stuff- vacuuming, dusting, repairing nail holes in the walls. But if I am constantly trying to keep up with that list, what am I missing out on? I have been outside more in the past couple of days that I had in the previous weeks, because of my need to walk to dogs. I have played more presently with Kinnie. I have been able to look after Brian and help him heal.

Another thing came to me yesterday, related in a round about way. We visited with Dusty's sister, who was in town for the weekend. After walking around downtown for a couple hours with her, Brian and I were driving home. We talked about Dusty's ability to bring people together while he was alive. It didn't particularly matter if one was "like" you. Dusty was open and interested in all kinds of people.

I think, in his death, Dusty continues to bring us together. There is a group of people, who, because Dusty loved them, and they loved him, are even more dear to my heart than they were prior to his death. People with whom I feel connected, and want to look out for, because Dusty felt that way for them. So, though we lost him, we share the burden of heavy hearts and hope for healing. We gained something new. That doesn't make up for missing him, but it helps.

Clarity of the most important things in life came to me this weekend. They are the people we love, and the people who are loved by people we loved. If I can maintain presence with them, and connection with them, then a dirty house just doesn't matter.