Kinnie is 2 months old. In some ways, it seems impossible that that much time has passed. In others, it feels as though they have been looooong months. My daughter is a delight, and every day becomes more so. She smiles a lot now, and coos. Her favorite sounds are "ah-woof," and "oh wow." She wants to laugh- she'll open her mouth in a wide smile and one can tell there is a squeal about to burst from her. She holds her own head up for 30 or more seconds. She is growing longer, and thicker, and when I carry her it feels so different from two months ago. One of our coming victories is that she is finding her thumb for sucking- instant calming effect. Though still fragile, she is strong.
I think that Kinnie is a passionate little person. When I was pregnant with her, I was asked if I thought I might have an idea about her personality. I think my answer was, "she's going to be a little feisty, and sweet as can be." Everything she does is with all her effort, whether it's "talking," smiling, being attentive, or crying. This makes the crying spells tough some days, but so worth the way she does everything else.
Motherhood is not what I imagined. It is such an intense experience, in so many different ways. Most intense is the warmth in my heart when I look at my daughter. In the first month, there were many moments when I would worry about how fast she was growing, worried that I'd miss my teeny tiny baby. And, when I look at her newborn pictures, I still feel that longing in my heart. At the same time, I now understand that it just keeps getting better. When she was that tiny little thing, she couldn't interact with me the way she does now. She spends hours every day in my lap, looking around, looking at me, expressing herself. And I know that will continue to build.
My confidence as a Mom is building, too, though every day I am taught a little humility. Kinnie is still not a scheduled baby, though her days seem to be becoming a bit more regular. But, as soon as I think I've got it figured out, something changes. I think there is a lesson for me in this, and I am doing a lot of focusing on being in the present moment, and not worrying about what comes next. These days are precious.
