Showing affection

Kinnie is fine. It turns out the test of her hemoglobin in the office was not accurate- through the lab, it shows that she is not anemic. And all her other tests were perfect. *Big sigh of relief*

This morning I lifted Kinnie out of her crib. She had been sitting there, quietly babbling. I gave her a squeeze, and she gave me a kiss. I think I explained previously that a kiss from Kin is her open mouth pressed against wherever it happens to land on your face. Still, there is nothing better. Yesterday, she gave me a kiss with a bad runny nose. I barely noticed the boogers she left behind on my cheek.

There is something amazing about having her show affection. She likes cuddling more than she used to, she gives hugs with her whole body, and, of course, the kisses. I guess it feels like a good reminder that we're doing something right. I feel so blessed.

On being human

Kinnie had her 9 month check up yesterday. She is tall (29.25 inches and in the 90th percentile), and is almost 20 pounds. Her doctor discovered that she had infections in both ears- thanks to this cold- and is also slightly anemic. While worrisome, it is likely that her anemia is related to her diet, and nothing more serious. We headed to Children's hospital after her check up to have a more extensive blood panel drawn. She was a champ. She let out a scream when the needle went into her arm, and then quietly watched the face of woman drawing her blood. I was sure I was going to cry, but when Kinnie was so brave about it, I was brave, too. We should have the results in the next couple of days, for which I am eager.

My mom was with us for the check up and subsequent blood draw. When the three of us arrived at Children's, we parked on the second level of the parking garage, and headed toward the elevators. As we neared them, a woman pushing a double stroller was exiting. There were two children in the stroller, a little girl in the front and boy in the back. It was evident that the boy was not well. He was under a thick blanket, and had a very weary pallor. It was evident, also, that the mom pushing the stroller was crying. We, along with another person or two, held the doors for her. As my mom and I entered the elevator, my mom asked, "what should we do?" I said I didn't know. The elevator arrived on the first level, and I asked, "Do you want to go back up?" My mom said, "yes," and we went back up to the second level.

We saw the woman loading her children and all their things into her car. Kinnie and I stood back as my mom approached the woman. I think my mom said, "you look like you could use a hug." The woman leaned into my mom, and cried and shook. My mom held her for a long time.

My mom told me later that the woman explained that she and her kids were here from Nebraska. She said her son, who was maybe 4 years old, has cancer, and they were at Children's for chemo. She told my mom that her son has not been doing well, and that this day was her dad's birthday, and that he had recently passed away. She said that her husband had been unable to come with her and their kids. My mom held her again, and slowly walked away with tear stains all over her shoulder.

I went to bed thinking of this woman, and awakened thinking of her. And I wanted to share this story, in part, to honor my mom. I feel as though we live in a world where we feel so separate. Our politics, our opinions, our fears keep us apart. When I first saw this woman, my heart broke for her, and, to be honest, I felt as though I didn't know what to do. I probably would have kept walking. There are all those thoughts about minding my own business, about the fact that we were strangers.

My mom walked right past those doubts. Because, ultimately, we are all human. And, in this case, we were all Mamas. And I have no doubt that my mom, in that moment, provided some relief for the woman's burden. She carried it for her. She helped her not feel alone.

I learned so much in those moments. And, imagine what this world would be like if we operated from that place of being human, without focus on all those things that separate us. The woman is in my heart and in my thoughts. And, I am so grateful for this lesson. I hope that in the future I have the strength to reach out, and to teach my daughter, as my mom did this day.

The art of change

Changing diapers, that is. Some may want to turn away from this post now, as writing about my baby's bowel habits may be too much information. I was a pro- after all, I've changed probably 20 million diapers in the last nine and a half months. But suddenly, we have gone from the typical infant poo to what I like to call "turdlets." More formed, less soft. And very roll-y. Every time I attempt to take the diaper containing turdlets from under my daughter, they want to roll out of the diaper. Any tips would be appreciated. One escaped this morning, and I didn't even realize it until I picked Kinnie up from the changing table. Sneaky little things.

When I walked into Kinnie's room this morning to get her up, she was sitting there in her crib. That was a first, and a little surprising. Then, later, when I put her down for a nap, she cried more than usual, so I went in to check on her. She was sitting up again, and this time I think she was crying because she was unwilling to lie herself down to have a nap. Because, what baby would choose to have a nap when she knows how to sit up and play in her crib? Certainly not mine. She is increasingly mobile. She can crawl backwards now. And yesterday, for the first time, she stood holding onto the headboard of our bed.

Kinnie is teething and has yet another cold. I think this is cold number 4 or 5. There is a little girl in daycare with her who seems to get sick every other week, and kindly passed it on. Poor baby. Kin had a rough night, and has had a bit of a rough morning, so far. though she is finally asleep now. Yesterday, we curled up on the futon together and watched Sesame Street. It was so sweet. We'd play a little, then catnap a little. Those moments are so precious.

I am reading a book on mindful parenting and found a quote that I love. "Every child that is born really is an incarnation of what is most sacred in life, and we as parents are guardians of the unfolding and flowering of their being and their beauty." Even through the new teeth, the innumerable colds, and rolling poops, I am blessed to have this job.

Inspiration comes in waves (and, ROAD TRIP)

It has, once again, been too long. It's not that I feel a lack of inspiration in my life- quite the opposite, in fact. But, the inspiration to write, well, that's another story. My work has been very busy, and on my mind outside of work hours, despite my effort to not let it. I am working on being present with Kinnie every chance I get. She is still, and even more so, a delight.

Last week, we were in Austin, TX, to visit family and to attend a friend's wedding. We drove approximately 15 hours each way, stopping for one night in each direction in the northern part of Texas. Kinnie is a road trip champ. There were only a few meltdowns, which were, generally, easily remedied by a snack or a quick walk.

Many of the views on our drive were monotone. There was mostly flatland, or ever so slightly rolling hills. We drove through modern ghost towns, no doubt hard hit by the downturn in the economy. As we made progress south, the spring green began to infiltrate the otherwise dusty views, and by the time we got to Austin, it seemed an oasis.

We had a lovely reunion with cousins Katy and Armando, who were the inspiration for our move to Mexico two years ago. Armando prepared authentic tortas ahogadas, which Brian and I have craved since we left Mexico 10 months ago. We then joined college friends for the weekend, as one was getting married. There was much fun to be had, especially by Brian, who pretended for one night that he was 21 again, and, I think, is still paying the price.

Austin is a beautiful city. I'll admit, I have a bias about Texas typical of Coloradans. But, I think I could live in Austin. It is clean, outdoorsy, friendly, and perfectly sized. The downtown area is full of life, but not overwhelming. And the Colorado river meanders through the city, wide and calm and providing for innumerable recreational activities. One day, Brian, with Kinnie in the back pack, and I walked for over 5 miles, exploring the city, the botanic gardens, and the river walk. Everything was in bloom, and the temperature was perfect. We were also privy to an Austin specialty- a food trailer park. Literally, multiple trailers (think taco truck) serving a variety of food much more exquisite and diverse than any food court. These are all over the city.

It was sad to say goodbye, and I was eager to get home to my puppy, who had had surgery for what turned out to be a benign tumor. The last night before we got home, we stayed in Childress, which was typical of most quiet towns in northern Texas, though perhaps not so ghost-y. The closet door in our hotel was a full mirror, and Kinnie spent at least an hour, when all was said and done, playing with the baby in the mirror. Thus, the photo of her kissing the mirror baby.

Kinnie is growing so fast, and is nearly mobile. My family has made bets about when she will crawl, and all bets are within the next week. Today will be a day of babyproofing, as things are about to change...