Today has been heartbreaking. There is no other way to describe the brutal mass murder that occurred in Connecticut. The loss of 26 lives, 20 of those so young. And innocent. And in their loss, we lost our innocence, too.
It is as if nothing is sacred. There is no place we can send our children that is protected enough- churches, school, work, malls. Today is especially awful. These were babies. And their parents, and all who love them, did not get enough time with them. To die such a violent death... I know of no words to describe the feeling in my gut, in my heart. It is pain. It is anguish. It makes me feel sick.
I got home today after a long day at work, and cried. I held my baby and I cried. I looked at her face, and imagined what I would do if she were ripped from my life. I don't know what I would do, how I would survive. And I think of the innumerable parents, and grandparents, and aunt and uncles, and brothers and sisters, who are facing that exact thing at this very moment.
It does not make sense. It hasn't in the past. And it does not today.
For a moment, I thought, "I don't want to live in a world like this." That thought entered my mind as my baby girl was sitting on me, eating a big handful of green beans, and watching a favorite movie. And then I realized something. And I felt gratitude.
I feet gratitude that I have this day. And that I have had all the days before. And that no matter what happens tomorrow, I have today. And so today, I will hold her. And I will pray for those families. And I will do whatever I can to show those who I love how much they mean. And I will do something good for the world. As much as my heart aches, I am lucky enough to have this moment.
It's not that gratitude will heal all grief. Loss is loss and tragedy is tragedy. It's that if I have the strength to be present in this moment, and aware of all the beautiful things, I can be sure that I have not taken a moment for granted. Because we don't know what tomorrow will bring. But today, we are here.
