Week 2

I am just about to start week 2 of work. Week 1 went remarkably well. I cried each time I left Kinnie, though each time the tears were dried more quickly. I think I will love my job- it will keep me busy, which is good when I want time to pass to get home to my baby. Kinnie has handled the transition well. We love her daycare provider so far- she is a woman who specializes in babies under 3 years old. She is attentive and relaxed and caring. There are three other girls there when Kinnie is, and she loves to watch them. In the past week, she has become even more talkative, and I wonder if it is, in part, her effort to communicate with the other kids.

I was rocking Kinnie last night, after her nighttime meal. She was asleep, and I was watching her, imagining what life will be like when she is one year, or ten years, or when she is moving out on her own for the first time. I realized I feel so unprepared for those things. It is so lovely that parenthood is a process. So, while none of those milestones will happen tomorrow, when I look back, it will probably feel as though it was just yesterday that I was rocking my little infant to sleep. Because we're together every day, and I see her grow and develop, when those milestones do get here, I will be ready.

I am so grateful for this experience. I can't believe how it has changed my life, and my outlook on life. A cousin wrote that life before kids is black and white, and after kids, life is in color. That's the best description I have heard. And no one could have explained it to me before she was born. There just aren't words. And, I think one doesn't know this kind of love and awe and gratitude until they are looking into their child's face for the first time.

3 months, 9 days

Kinnie is amazing. She can laugh, coo, almost sit up, hold toys in her hands. Every day there is some small advancement (and some days bigger ones)- she fine tunes the use of her hands, or adds another sound to her repertoire of "ooh"s and "ah"s. Her favorite thing right now is to lie on a blanket on the floor and practice kicking, rolling (with help), and sitting up (also with a little help). She spends a great deal of time staring at her hands and feet. She has also started making an "ooo" sound repeatedly when she is looking at something she likes. She loves being in her bjorn, which is now how we go about shopping. She could stare at trees for hours. I am glad she seems as though she'll appreciate the outdoors. Now I just have to get her to the beach...

Motherhood is also amazing. For all it's challenges, and for all the tears I have shed, there is nothing I would rather do in my life.

Last night was Kinnie's first night in her own room, in her crib. She had been building up to it, having naps in the crib during the day and sleeping in our room at night. She went to bed the same as normal, but awakened at 6:15 instead of her usual 7:45. I have a feeling she opened her eyes and realized that there was so much more to look at in her own room. I went in and she was smiling and wiggling all over the place. So, she handled it well. I, on the other hand, bawled. It was the first night in her life that we didn't sleep in the same room. She was ALL the way down the hall. Just imagine when she goes to college...

I have one week left at home until I start working part time. People keep asking me how I feel, and my answer is always that it depends on the moment. The most difficult part right now is finding daycare. I have several options that I am looking at- with Brian's help, of course. Sometimes I feel as though I must choose between the lesser of evils- not because what I'm looking into is bad, but because there isn't any day care that can provide the one on one attention that I would love for Kinnie. Still, there are those that do close to that. Mama bear just has to be willing to trust that baby bear will be well cared for and loved.

More to come soon, I hope...