A different lens

In therapy terms, we often try to look at experiences, thoughts, etc., through different "lenses." Kind of like looking at things from a different perspective, a different point of view.

I had a training late last week at Children's hospital. While the training provided some profound learning, my presence in the hospital provided a profound experience seeing things through a different lens.

As a kid, I spent my fair share of time in Children's hospital. In addition to the auto-immune disease I had, about which I have previously blogged, I had several surgeries for a malformed hip, one that required that I stay in the hospital for 2 weeks recovering. So, I know the place well, from a kid's perspective. Walking into Children's, or any hospital, for that matter, brings back a lot of memories, good and bad.

What I didn't understand, until last week, was the experience of walking into a kid's hospital as a parent. I wasn't there for any medical reason- just a training related to work. But as I went to the cafeteria for lunch, I could not ignore the kids in wagons, pulling IV poles, in hospital gowns. The feeling I had in my gut is hard to explain.

Sick. I felt sick. Because I know how much I love Kinnie, how much I want to protect her, how there is nothing more important in my world than her well-being. And, I know that these kids' parents feel the same. And they must feel so helpless, watching their kids fight serious illness. I wanted to cry for them. And, I admire them. I can only imagine the strength it requires to be there for your kid through such a thing.

We have been blessed, in Kinnie's first 8 and a half months. Beside several colds, she has been healthy and happy. I'll admit there are times when I have had the "what if" thought. And just imagining any illness, injury, could bring me to my knees.

I stop those thoughts, though. If I get stuck in worry and fear, I cannot be present. And each moment that I am present with my daughter is magic. I am grateful for every one.