Reflection

One year ago right now, I was having contractions. I had had "false alarm" one week earlier, during which I had regular contractions, but was not dilated. So, one year ago today, I figured it was another false alarm. Kinnie was not due for another two weeks, and I was scheduled for a c-section in a week. Only, these contractions caused pain different from those I had experienced previously. I called my mom, who offered to come down. But, I figured it couldn't be the real thing, so I told her to wait. I tried all the things I had heard of to slow them down. I walked. I lay down. I took bath. But they didn't slow. We called the doctor's office, and were advised that we ought to come in to be checked.

I went back to my bed to lay down and breath, and something hit me. I got overwhelmed, scared. I called my mom and asked her to come.

Within 4 hours, Kinnie had arrived. I still vividly remember the first moment I touched her, the softness of her cheek on mine. I remember the immediate experience of a love I had never felt before.

A lot of people comment that they can't believe it has been a year. And sometimes, I can't either. But there are moments when it feels as though it has been forever. It is as if my life before Kinnie was a completely different lifetime.

I have learned so much in the past year. Humility because I don't have control over when my baby may be fussy or sleepy or wanting to stay up late. Acceptance because I had to deal with the humility. Pure, uninhibited love. Joy. Pride. Amazement. And did I mention love? Most of all, gratitude. Every day is different. Every day is an adventure. And for every moment, I am so grateful. I am blessed to have this life, this baby. Happy Birthday to Kinnie Lin. Here's to an amazing second year, and many, many years to come.