On being dynamic

Where did I get the idea that after 22 days of parenting, I would have it down? Do people talk about the realities of being a parent, but we don't listen unless we already are parents? Or is this some big secret left to be found out once you have a child??? Did you know that every day is different? That just because you have three days in a row during which your baby seems adjusted to a routine, that the fourth day can seem like a calamity? I swear no one mentioned that when you are a nursing mom, your milk lets down at the strangest of times- like when you're feeding your dog (she is my first baby...), or looking at your husband's baby book...

Then, there is the issue of what can be accomplished in any given day. I laid in the bath this morning, knowing Kinnie was sound asleep, and pondered what I might get done today. I thought I might paint my toenails, since it has been over a month since my last pedicure. Then, I remembered that I was considering changing our bedsheets. Oh, and there are a couple of loads of laundry to get done.

When I moved to Mexico just under a year ago, sage advice was shared with me. It was that while living in Mexico, one should plan to accomplish just one thing every day. Don't make a huge list of errands to run, because the pace of life may interfere with getting much done at all. I think having a newborn is the same way. Technically, today, I have accomplished eating breakfast, and taking a bath. I probably shouldn't ask for much more, because who knows when my little bundle will awaken, and who knows whether she'll be fussy again this afternoon.

While pondering in my bath, I realized that I need to make a shift in my thinking. I have been anxious almost everyday, anticipating what the day might bring. Am I going to have time for a nap? Is Kinnie going to be wide awake, or sleepy all afternoon? Is she going through an apparent growth spurt, driving her to be hungry much more frequently than two days ago? I can carry these wonderings around with me, and have them weigh on me. Or, I can accept the unpredictability, and roll with it. I learned that lesson well in Mexico. But I forgot it over the last several weeks. Time to relearn, I think. We'll all be happier if Mama can be a little more laid back.

Through all of the ups and downs, when I watch my baby sleep, or when she is lying in my lap, taking in the world, there is nothing better. My heart swells with love, and I am grateful for this new adventure.