Sentiments and sentimentality

My baby will be 3 weeks old tomorrow. It has been a whirlwind and maybe the fastest 21 days of my life. The only way to describe how I feel is to liken the experience to being on vacation. For me, about halfway through a vacation, I start to feel sad that the trip will come to an end. And, at the same time, I try to stay present in every moment, so as not to miss a thing. While, with Kinnie, there is so much to look forward to, I know also that there will be a time, very soon, when I miss the days of her being so tiny, so innocent, and so dependent on us.

She changes every day. She makes more eye contact, watches our faces, watches other things in her world. It is so different from when she wouldn't open her eyes. We spend time every day looking around, looking at each other, talking. She seems as though she wants so badly to open her mouth and put words to what she is thinking.

The adjustment to parenthood is an amazing journey in itself. I think this is especially so for me, because of all the transitions that have occurred in my life in the last year. I barely had time to get back from Mexico and get used to life in the States again before Kinnie was born. I feel as though my time away strengthened my sense of self, but I'll admit that reinventing my identity with the inclusion of "mom" challenges me. How do the two sides of me fit together? I think this will take some time, and a return to some sense of normalcy in life. The challenge is greater still because neither Brian or I are currently employed. That adds more questions to the already muddy picture.

Ultimately, these things will work out, I'm sure. And in the meantime, I am trying to cherish every moment, because the most consistent advice I have received is that time passes too quickly. So tonight I will squeeze my tiny baby tight, and ingrain that feeling into my heart.