Some kind of validation

I was having a discussion with my mom the other day about Kinnie's first several months. She said to me that Kinnie's early infancy was one of the most difficult she had seen. This, coming from a woman who worked in pediatrics for about a quarter-century. It validated a strong sense I had that my baby, early on, was not easy. I, of course, did not know what to expect, and didn't know what bad or good could be. She would cry for hours some days, for no known reason. When you're going through that, it's not as if someone is going to say, "jeez, your baby is difficult." Because, then you'd be offended. But now, looking back, I'm glad it was evident to someone else. I looked for the good in every day with Kinnie in those first three months. And, sometimes, it was hard not to be overwhelmed by all the worry and sadness that she was so often upset. I can still conjure up some of the anxiety I felt if I think about it for long.

The good news is that we got through it. Kinnie is an absolute delight. She rarely complains now, except when she is tired or hungry. And those are things I can help to fix. I felt so helpless when she would wail and we had tried everything we could to comfort her. I often wonder what it was all about. I've questioned whether the experiences I had as a pregnant woman in a foreign country affected her- primarily the stress. Or, maybe it was the caffeine that I couldn't quite give up. Or, the 35-hour car ride from Guadalajara to Denver 2 weeks before she was born. It's interesting, because I am so often to be the first to speak up and protect women from being blamed or feeling guilt. It's not that I blame myself, but mostly just my curiosity about what happens in the months directly before and after birth.

Kinnie sits up pretty well, and her spitting up has almost vanished. Hallelujah. I think I can soon have my carpets cleaned. And, she doesn't go through several bibs or outfits every day. I hope that it also means that she is more comfortable. In the past few days, she has figured out where her primary food source lives. If she's hungry, she'll stare directly at my chest while voicing her complaints. Sometimes, she even grabs my shirt. I plan to nurse until she's about a year old. We'll see what she learns between now and then as far as finding her way to her meals.

The two bottom, center teeth have now broken through Kinnie's gums. Another hallelujah. She was miserable for a while. They are just tiny nubs at the moment, barely poking through. But, I think getting them through the gums was the most difficult part. In the past 3 days, she's been a whole new baby. I am so glad she's not hurting anymore. At least until the next ones come in.

I continue to be grateful everyday, and amazed at this process called parenthood. I love it, and am pretty sure it is what I was meant to do with my life- even though I've only been at it for seven months.