Fathers

Here I am, early in the morning, thinking again...

At work, I currently have 7 families with whom I am working. Of the 7, NONE have a biological father who is consistently involved. One has a step-father who has stepped in and attempted to fill that space. Two have never met their dads. One dad is incarcerated. Others seem to pop in and out of the lives of their kids at their discretion. ALL of the kids have legal involvement. They ALL struggle in school, and many are using drugs. ALL of the kids have always been with their moms.

I don't want to appear to be blaming fathers. I know that some of the Moms may make it extremely difficult to be a part of the kids' lives. But, ultimately, does that matter? Shouldn't it be that nothing can stand in the way of being there for your kids? Is there anything more important? Even if the courts are involved and say these dads can only see their kids on the weekends, shouldn't the dads be showing up at 6 am Saturday to fill that time?I think it is likely not coincidence that these kids all have these commonalities- their fathers are MIA, and they are acting out.

In my relationship with my dad, there have been bumps in the road. There have been times when we were less close, communicating infrequently. I know the emptiness that leaves, the void in the heart, the yearning for something better. And, I don't know that anyone could have stepped in and made that feel better. I suppose, after some time, those feelings diminish, but it seems that they would always be there. I know I'm lucky to not have to know.

Brian is the light of Kinnie's life. Even at 7 months old, there is a special bond. Probably mostly because Brian does anything and everything to make her smile. If she hears his voice, even a cough from another room, she'll stop whatever she's doing to look for him- even interrupting a meal, which is a big deal for this little girl.

I know there are special circumstances, things that happen beyond people's control. I don't want to appear judgmental. I just don't understand being absent from a kid's life. You make a baby (whether you meant to or not), and from the moment you know, there should be nothing more important.